


Better This Way

by CleoBane



Category: Jimon - Fandom, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Boys In Love, Break Up, Decisions, Eventual Smut, Forgiveness, Grown Up, Inspired by Music, M/M, Music, Rise Against (band), Rockstar!Simon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-08 08:09:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17382875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CleoBane/pseuds/CleoBane
Summary: Four years ago, Simon had his shattered. Jace wants to make amends and somehow, get back the love of his life...(I'm still working on this story, but I need feed back, so please, please, pretty please!)





	1. Savior

_It kills me not to know this_   
_But I've all but just forgotten_   
_But the color of her eyes were_   
_And her scars or how she got them_   
_As the telling signs of age rain down_   
_A single tear is droppin'_   
_Through the valleys of an aging face_   
_That this world has forgotten_

This was what he lived for.

This was his dream. This was what he wanted the first time he held a guitar in his hands.

This was what he and…no. He wasn’t going to think of him.

Simon shook his head. He had to focus.

He grinned at the audience as he continued to sing. He knew his friends were watching him and he relaxed. He wouldn’t be here without them.

Which was more than he could say for some people.

_There is no reconciliation_   
_That will put me in my place_   
_And there is no time like the present_   
_To drink these draining seconds_   
_But seldom do these words ring true_   
_When I'm constantly failing you_   
_Like walls that we just can't break through_   
_Until we disappear_

_So tell me now_   
_If this ain't love_   
_Then how do we get out?_   
_'Cause I don't know_

_That's when she said_   
_"I don't hate you, boy, I just want to save you_   
_While there's still something left to save"_   
_That's when I told her_   
_"I love you, girl, but I'm not the answer_   
_For the questions that you still have"_

_Oh oh oh_   
_And the day pressed on like crushing weights_   
_For no man does it ever wait_   
_Like memories of dying days_   
_That deafen us like hurricanes_   
_Bathed in flames we held the brand_   
_Uncurled the fingers in your hand_   
_Pressed into the flesh like sand_   
_Now do you understand?_

_So tell me now_   
_If this ain't love_   
_How do we get out?_   
_'Cause I don't know_

_That's when she said_   
_"I don't hate you, boy, I just want to save you_   
_While there's still something left to save"_   
_That's when I told her_   
_"I love you, girl, but I'm not the answer_   
_For the questions that you still have"_

_Oh oh oh_   
_One thousand miles away_   
_There's nothing left to say_   
_But so much left that I don't know_   
_We never had a choice_   
_This world is too much noise_   
_It takes me under_   
_It takes me under once again_

_I don't hate you_   
_I don't hate you, no_

_But tell me now_   
_If this ain't love_   
_Then how do we get out?_   
_'Cause I don't know_

_That's when she said_   
_"I don't hate you, boy, I just want to save you_   
_While there's still something left to save"_   
_That's when I told her_   
_"I love you, girl, but I'm not the answer_   
_For the questions that you still have"_

_Oh oh, I don't hate you_   
_I don't hate you_   
_Oh oh, I don't hate you_   
_No, I don't hate you_   
_Oh oh_

 

He didn’t see blue and brown eyes staring at him as if he was God. He didn’t see pink lips parted in awe and lust.

“Wow…” a shaky exhale which no one heard.

He sang with all his heart and soul.

This was what he was meant to do.

***

He was tempted to throw his phone against the wall.

Or curse whoever was calling him so early on a Sunday morning. Anybody who knew him knew better to call him before noon on a Sunday. It was the Law.

But here he was, glaring at his phone ringing on the nightstand. Grumbling, he reached for it and answered the call without looking at whoever was calling.

“What?” he growled. “Somebody had better be dying…”

“Heads up.” Maia, his manager and best friend said. “You’re having a guest in ten minutes. Well, ten minutes, starting five minutes ago.”

“What?” Simon sat up; feeling slightly dizzy. That was what you got when you sleep for only two hours. “What are you talking about?”

Just then the doorbell rang. “Who…?”

“I just called to say I’m sorry, but I had no choice.” Maia rushed on. “He was being a nuisance and it’s Sunday. So he’s your problem now.”

“Maia…” but she had hung up. Simon stood up and put on a pair of grey sweatpants and muttered as he made his way to the door. It was too early to try and decipher Maia’s ramblings. They had worked most of the day before and partied till the early hours of the morning. Simon had left Maia’s apartment at 5AM and was only able to sleep for two hours before his peaceful Sunday morning plans went to shit.

He swore. He was so tired.

He opened the door just as the doorbell rang and his frown slid off his face as he went pale.

Jace.

***

**Four Years Ago**

_“I don’t understand.” Simon stood awkwardly, his guitar leaning heavily on his leg. “You are breaking up with me? Why?”_

_“I just can’t do this anymore.” Jace said. “That’s it.”_

_“Di-Did I do something?” Simon hated the trembling in his voice. “Is it because of what I…?”_

_“No, no, no, Simon.” Jace reached for his hand, but Simon stepped backwards. “It’s me. You didn’t do anything.”_

_“Oh.” Simon almost winced at the ice in his voice. “This is a ‘it’s not you, It’s me’ type thing? Oh wow, really Jace?”_

_Jace winced and sighed. “I-I don’t…” he sighed. “I’m sorry.”_

_Simon closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath. “Yeah, me too.” He looked at the several bracelets on his wrist and unclasped a thin silver one. It was the one Jace had given him on their first anniversary. He threw it at Jace. “Here…”_

_“Simon…” Jace started. But Simon raised his hand._

_“Stop. I don’t want to listen anymore.” Simon said. He was shaking with anger and his heart hurt. He had to leave before he started screaming or worse, crying. “Good bye, Jace.”_

_***_

“Jonathan Christopher Herondale.” Simon was proud of how steady his voice was. He had felt the world tilt when he saw him at first, but he had learnt how to hide his emotions in the years after he and Jace split up.

“Lewis.” Jace said; his voice uncertain. Simon didn’t dwell on that. His eyes gave him a once over. Jace looked…great. His hair was as blonde as ever and his eyes were still the same blue and brown that he had fallen in love with all those years ago. He was bigger, muscled and delicious. He had always been hot. And now he was ridiculously more so.

He was wearing black jeans and a white tee with something printed on it. Simon was surprised; Jace had hated graphic tees, always preferring plain black and white tees. He looked really good.

“May I help you?” Simon asked, crossing his arms over his bare chest.

“Aren’t you going to ask me to come in?” Jace asked.

_Oh hell, no!_ “No, I’m not. Say what you want to say and leave.” Simon wasn’t ready to deal with Jace. He had closed that chapter of his life that night, four years ago. “I suggest you make it quick, I am really sleepy and I don’t entertain guests before noon. So…”

He saw Jace’s jaw clench and fought back a grin. Good, he was getting pissed. Maybe if Simon was cold enough, he would get the message and go away. Not that Simon believed that. Jace Herondale was a stubborn asshole.

“Really, Simon?” Jace asked. “I just want to-to talk.”

“And I want to sleep.” Simon snapped. “What do you want?”

“I want…I miss you.” Jace said, his cheeks pink. “I need to talk to you.”

Simon blinked. And stared. _Did he just…?_

“Did you just…?” Simon started to laugh. He must be more exhausted than he thought. He could hear the hint of hysteria in his laughter. “I’m sorry. That was rude of me…”

Jace crossed his arms and watched him. His jaw flexed and he shifted on his feet.

“So…” Simon was smiling now. “OK, this was fun. See you around Herondale. I’m going back to bed.”

“I’m back in town.” Jace said quickly. “I’m staying with Alec for a while. I am not going anywhere and I have to talk to you.”

“That’s nice.” Simon said, “Welcome back…but I don’t have anything to say to you. We said all we had to say, remember?” Then he shut the door on his ex’s face. His heart was beating hard. After four years of trying to forget him, the fucker appears on his fucking doorstep.

“Motherfucker!” he swore loudly. He didn’t care if Jace heard him.

This was why he didn’t wake up before noon.

******

Jace grimaced as he heard Simon swear as he shut the door.

That went well.

He didn’t know what to expect when he had practically bullied Maia for Simon’s address. He knew Simon would not pick up his calls. He had tried over the years to get in touch with Simon. He knew he had fucked up when he broke up with him but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends.

Did it?

“Don’t be stupid, Jace.” Magnus said, when he had gone back to the loft. “You nearly destroyed him. What did you expect? That he would just forget about everything and invite you in for coffee?”

“No.” Jace scowled. “I just…I need to talk to him. To explain.”

“Well, he doesn’t socialize before noon on Sundays.” Alec said next to him.

“Maia said so.” Jace said, sighing. “When did he become…?”

“Cool?” Magnus asked. “He’s a big deal now. You were at his show last night, you saw him.”

“I was going to say ‘such an asshole’ but…yeah.” Simon was different. The boy he fell in love with was gone. In his place was the tattooed god with an attitude.

“Oh, he’s calling.” Magnus picked up his phone. “Hey Si-.” He blinked and sighed.

“Simon…” Magnus sounded like he wanted to laugh. “You can blame Maia for that. I told her it wasn’t a good idea. But he was bugging everyone.” He was silent.

“No, you can’t flake on me this time.” Magnus frowned. “You can’t avoid him forever. Just talk...no, Simon. Simon…breathe. Good boy. Now…I won’t…fine.”

Jace knew he was the topic of discussion. He looked at Magnus expectantly. Alec chuckled when his own phone rang. “Typical…”

“Hey Simon…” Alec said, laughing. “No, I won’t. I don’t care. Deal with it.” Alec gasped and laughed. “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? No, you are an adult. Deal with it.”

“That…” Alec said, hanging up. “…is how you deal with a Simon Lewis meltdown, babe.” He said to Magnus. To Jace he grinned. “I do not envy you, man.”

“I just want to apologize.” Jace said. _And ask him to take me back._  

The last four years were the most miserable years of his life. He missed his best friend and love of his life. But when Simon started to grow in the music business, he didn’t want to be left behind. He didn’t want Simon to wake up one morning and realize he could do better than him. He and Simon had often joked that Jace was way out of Simon’s league and he had hit the mother lode when he and Jace started dating.

Simon was perfect.

Back then, Jace wondered what he had done to deserve him. Yeah, he was annoying and he talked too much and he was as energetic as a hyperactive toddler. But for three years, Simon was his and he fucked it up.

When he had seen Simon perform the night before, he was tempted to get on stage and hold on to him and never let him go. That would have been a terrible idea. Just as ambushing him at home on a Sunday morning was a bad idea.

But Simon had surprised him this morning. He had been shirtless and barefoot.

And hot.

He had gotten a few tattoos and piercings. He looked like the rockstar he was. Normally, Jace wasn’t moved by stuff like that but he was thrown when he saw Simon.

He wanted, needed him back.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Magnus asked him. “Whatever you are planning, stop it. If you hurt him again, I’ll kill you.”

“Yeah.” Alec said, seriously. “You left us to deal with your mess. Don’t…just, don’t.”

Jace sighed. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Good.”


	2. From Heads Unworthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace explains. Simon deals...kinda.

_**I'm not after fame and fortune** _

_**I'm after you** _

**_When I serve my time I swear I'll.._.**

_**Come back for you** _

_**Rise Against - From Heads Unworthy (Appeal To Reason)** _

 

“Simon, calm down.” Maia said. “Put that down. Bat, do something.”

Her boyfriend and Simon’s partner grabbed the unopened bottle of tequila from Simon and handed it to Maia. “Now, _amigo,_ calm down. What’s the problem?”

“Jace is back in town.” Simon said, teeth clenched. “Your girlfriend told him where I lived.”

“Oh.” Bat looked at Maia. “That Jace?”

“There’s only one Jace.” Simon growled. “He wanted to ‘talk’. And Alec was mean about it. I’m not speaking to him.”

“Alec is your lawyer.” Maia said, “You can’t give him the silent treatment.”

“I can too.” Simon said stubbornly. He couldn’t, but he was upset.

He was at Maia’s apartment. Normally he would have gone to Magnus’s for breakfast but Jace was there, so no.

“Why don’t you…?” Maia started.

“You sent him to my home.” Simon glared at her. “Is this because I hooked up with your assistant?”

Maia rolled her eyes. “Calm down, Simon. It’s Jace…he just wants to talk.”

“Will you talk to Kyle?” Simon asked, smugly.

“No.” she and Bat said at the same time.

“Exactly.” Simon smiled.

“Not the same thing.” Maia growled. “Stop being a baby…talk to him. I’ll get Lily to set up a lunch thing. An hour, tops. Listen to what he has to say. Then we move on from there…”

“What if he wants me back?” Simon whispered. “He said he missed me.”

Maia and Bat looked at each other. “Let’s crawl before we fly, sweetie.”

As usual, his friends were no help.

***

_“Simon, it’s better this way.” Jace had followed him as he walked slowly back to his car._

_“It’s better this way?” Simon turned on him. “I love you, you fucking asshole. But don’t worry, I’ll hate you soon enough. Then, you tell me if it’s ‘better this way’.”  He said the last part in a falsetto, mocking his recent ex-boyfriend. “Go away, Jace. I’m going home. I hope you find what you are looking for. “_

_“Simon. I’m sorry.” Jace said; his face stricken. “I-I…you’ll see what I mean.”_

_“Fuck you.”_

_***_

Jace was waiting when Simon got to the restaurant. Simon slowly made his way to where he sat and cleared his throat.

“Hey.”

Jace stood up and turned to look at him. “Hey, Si…”

Simon rolled his eyes and sat down. “Trust me, I didn’t want to come.” He sighed. “Alec says to deal with it. So here I am.”

Jace sighed. “How gracious of you…”

Simon fluttered his eyes. “Anything for you, princess.” A waiter came over to their table and took their order. When he left, Simon leaned back in his chair and looked at Jace.

“So, what do you want?”

“Will you let me speak?” Jace asked. “No interruptions, no smart-ass remarks. Just listen to me.”

Simon shrugged. “Fine. I’ll be on my best behavior.” Simon sighed. This was going to be brutal. He wasn’t ready to forgive Jace and whatever the blonde idiot wanted to say…

“So, four years ago I-I saw that you were going to go places with your music and I got…jealous.”

OK, didn’t see that coming.

“I liked having you to myself but then you started getting better deals and bigger gigs. I felt terrible because I started to resent the time you spent with all your music buddies. You started cancelling stuff with me and I hardly got to see you.”

Simon pressed his lips together. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Jace had been…jealous. This Jace. The famous Jace Herondale was jealous of him.

“…and I just felt that I had to leave before you realized that I was only going to hold you back. I wanted to end things on my terms and end it when I still had control. It would have killed me if you ended things with me in the long run.

“But after that night, I realized my mistake but you didn’t want to see me. I was already too late and-and…Simon, I’m sorry. I fucked up.”

Simon was looking down, his chest was tight. This was…

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?” Jace asked, confused.

“You broke up with me because my dream was finally coming true?” Simon looked at him, and smiled in satisfaction when Jace flinched at the look in his eyes. “You broke up with me because you were an insecure idiot who wasn’t getting the required attention? Jace, you pushed me. I wouldn’t be where I was, where I am if you hadn’t pushed me. And you broke up with me because things were finally going well for me?”

“Simon…” Jace started. Simon raised his hand.

“No, my turn.” Simon said coldly. “You felt it was better we broke up sooner rather than later because you were trying to spare yourself the heartbreak of me breaking up with you? So it was better to break my heart? It was better to almost destroy me so you’d feel better about yourself?”

“I…”

“Wow, I always knew you were a selfish jackass, but man, this is…this is, just…wow.” Simon sneered. “So what now? You come to me with this piss poor apology and what? I say ‘it’s fine Jace. I forgive you’? You must be incredibly fucked in the head if you think that.”

Jace stared at him, jaw tight.

“I would have done anything for you.” Simon said. “You were my world and then you threw me away. All because you couldn’t talk to me. All because you were a fucking coward…”

Simon smiled when the waiter brought their food. He saw that Jace was fidgeting and tense.

Good.

“Do you have any idea what you did to me?” Simon asked when the waiter left.

Jace looked away. Simon was pissed. “No, look at me. You’ll look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Jace gaped at him.

“You are a fucking coward, Jace Herondale.” Simon said. “You could have talked to me. You could have told me how you felt. You could have just…damn it, Jace.”

Simon sucked in a breath and smiled. “Well, enjoy your lunch. After this, you can go back to whatever it is you were doing before you decided to come back and fuck up my life.”

“Not everything is about you, Simon.” Jace said; his voice cold.

Simon grinned at him, “Don’t be stupid, Jonathan. Do you have any idea who I am? Everything is about me. Eat your lunch.”

******

Jace stared at Simon as he started eating. Simon didn’t look at him again for the rest of the meal.

Simon had changed. The boy he fell in love with was replaced by this rude, caustic bastard who was mean and had no qualms bossing him around. The Simon he knew was sweet and a little awkward, except when he was on stage. But Jace had loved him regardless.

This Simon looked like he could kick Jace’s ass and not even apologize. Had he done this?

Magnus and Alec said that Simon hadn’t dated anyone in the years he was away. It was as if Simon had decided that relationships were not worth it.

Jace swore under his breath. This was going to be a lot harder than he thought. He had planned this with the old Simon in mind. This Simon was a different ball game entirely.

“…I told you I was busy.” Jace looked up and saw Simon on the phone, his expression irritated. “I can’t meet your parents…because I don’t want to…don’t, don’t do that. You know I hate it when you…” he covered his face. “Look, I’m busy, I’ll call you later.”

When he hung up, he shrugged at Jace. “She’ll be fine…”

Who was this guy?

“Thanks for lunch.” Jace said, as they left the restaurant. Simon walked to his car.

“So, about talking to you…” Jace started. Simon looked at him warily. “I really want to fix things. Will you give me a chance to?”

“Why should I?” Simon asked.

“For old times’ sake…” Jace said. “I meant it when I said I missed you. I’d like my friend back.”

“Your friend…” Simon eyed him. “You mean the nerd? He’s dead.”

“I don’t believe that.” Jace said.

“I don’t give a fuck what you believe.” Simon said. “I know I can’t avoid you now that you’re back, but don’t think we’re going to be best friends or anything. I can’t trust you. I won’t trust you.”

Jace sighed. “You’ve changed, Lewis.”

“I know.” Simon grinned. “You like it?” He got into his car. “See you around, Herondale.”

Jace stared as his car pulled out of the driveway and disappear down the road. Simon Lewis had grown up to be a Class A asshole. Jace wasn’t sure if he liked it.

But at the same time, he didn’t hate it. It was nice that Simon grew some balls, it just sucked that he was at the receiving end of all that…

“Simon said that?” Magnus looked surprised when Jace told him about the lunch. “Huh…”

“He called me a coward.” Jace said. “He’s not wrong, but I never expected him to say it to my face.”

“He’s just pissed.” Alec said. “Don’t push him. Just give him time…”

“I want him back.” Jace said softly. Magnus and Alec looked at him incredulously.

“You what?” Alec asked, his tone ice cold.

“You poor fool…” Magnus sighed. “I’m not even going to get involved.”

“You what?” Alec asked again. “Do you know the mess you made when you left? Do you know what it took for him to get to where he is right now? Do you know how…how long it took for him to get over you? Jace, Simon is not a toy you can play with whenever you are bored. You nearly destroyed him the last time. What the hell do you mean you ‘want him back’?”

Jace sighed, looking away from his friend’s hard eyes. “I-I still love him OK? I fucked up and I want to make it up to him…”

“Jace…” Alec rubbed his face. “For his sake, you better be serious, ‘cos if you hurt him again…”

“I know, Magnus will kill me.” Jace sighed.

“No,” Alec’s voice was still hard, “I will.”

“Noted.” Jace swallowed.


	3. Behind Closed Doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys start over as friends and then some...

_Although we have no obligation_

_To stay alive_

_On broken backs we beg for mercy_

_We will survive_

_Break all, I wont be left here_

_Behind closed doors_

_Rise Against - Behind Closed Doors (The Sufferer and The Witness)_

 

“OK, who gave you this number?” Simon snapped, as he picked up his phone and Jace asked him if he wanted to go out for drinks.

“Is that important?” Jace asked. “What do you say, Lewis? You know I’m just going to bug you until you agree.”

“Fine.” Simon growled. “Where are you? I’m leaving Maia’s place. I’ll pick you up.”

He must be crazy. What was he doing?

He was still questioning his sanity when he picked up Jace at the loft. He didn’t go up because he wasn’t ready to see the looks on Magnus and Alec’s faces.

“So where are we going?” Simon asked. He cursed silently when Jace’s scent filled his car. _Pull yourself together._ He scolded himself. This was Jace, the enemy.

He was older now. Jace couldn’t get to him anymore…

“Simon?” Jace was shaking him. He fought the urge to shrug the hand on his arm away. “What?”

“You are growling.” Jace said, he was smiling, the little shit. “Are you OK?”

“No.” Simon snapped. “Let’s get this over with…”

At the bar, Jace was still in a good mood. “So are you going to keep scowling at me? I’m trying here.”

“Trying at what exactly?” Simon smiled at a group of girls who were giggling and pointing at him. It was funny when people recognized him in public. At least, he wasn’t at the point where he had to go around with bodyguards and hide from the locals.

“I meant it.” Jace was saying. “I miss you. I miss my friend. It’s fine if you don’t want me back, but we can be friends, can’t we?”

“Whoa, whoa…” Simon held up his hand. “Want you back? What? Are you serious?”

Jace’s expression was a cross between ‘are you kidding’ and ‘yeah, so what’.

“I don’t believe this.” Simon shook his head. “You want me to take you back? Why?”

“What do you mean, ‘why’?” Jace asked. “Is anything wrong with that?”

“Yes. A lot.” Simon said. “I don’t wanna. I got over you and I’m not going to...”

It wasn’t as if he got over him, but he wasn’t going to tell Jace that.

“Look, we were friends once.” Jace said. His tone was odd. “We can be that again.”

“Uh, excuse me?” a small voice said at Simon’s side. He looked up and saw one of the girls at the far end of the bar. “I, uh, was wondering if I could get a picture? My friends didn’t think you would, but I said I’d come and try. So here I am. Could I please get a picture with you?”

Simon grinned. “Of course.” He could feel Jace’s eyes on him as he obliged her. Then he told her to get her friends over.

By the time he was done, he had gotten two phone numbers and lipstick stains on his cheek.

“How does it feel?” Jace asked him as he cleaned his cheek.

“Are you sure you won’t get jealous?” Simon asked.

“You’ve gotten petty, Lewis.” Jace said, grinning. “You were always so nice.”

“I grew up.” Simon said simply. “So, how’s Imogen?” he asked changing the subject.

The rest of the evening went by without any more incidents. He and Jace managed to talk without sniping at each other. Simon baited him, of course, but Jace didn’t take it. He just laughed and switched subjects.

All in all, it wasn’t a bad night.

Maybe being friends with his ex-boyfriend wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

“This was fun.” Simon said when he dropped Jace back at the loft.  “I still think you are a dick. But…yeah. Say hi to Magnus and the big guy.”

“So are you guys back together?” Maia asked, when he called her that night.

“No. What? No.”

Maia chuckled. “Calm down, Lewis.” She said something to someone. Probably Bat. Simon looked at the time.

“For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.” Maia said. “I know how hard it was for you.”

“I still want to run him over.” Simon said. “But he’s so pretty. So there’s that.”

“You still like him!” Maia laughed. “Oh Simon…”

_I love him._

“Yeah, I do.” Simon said. She’d know if she saw him, so it’s best he just come out and say it. “I don’t want to.”

“I know.” Maia sighed. “There’s nothing wrong with that. So what if he was a coward who can’t process emotions? He was your everything at some point.”

“I can’t give him that power over me.” Simon said. “Not again.”

“Well, you guys are friends.”

“He forced it. Just like he did before.” Simon laughed. “17 year old Jace Wayland/Herondale was a dick. One minute I was planning his death, the next, we were best friends. Then…” he sighed as he fell into bed.

“Well…there’s no rush.” Maia said. “In the end, it’s what you want to do. He can’t make you do what you don’t want to do.”

“Yeah.” Simon said. “Thanks Maia. Do I have anything this week? I know that I can take a break for now since the show is done?”

For the next few minutes, they talked about work and then Simon hung up. He lay on his back, lost in thought.

Damn you, Jace.

******

“How was your date?” Magnus asked Jace, later that night. Jace was in front of the TV, although he was lost in thought.

“It wasn’t a date.” Jace murmured. “Simon doesn’t want anything like that with me.”

“Well…” Magnus said. “You did a shitty thing. Honestly, I’m surprised he’s even hanging out with you. He was a bit crazy when you left. I thought he was…well, he got over it.”

“What exactly happened?” Jace asked. “He looks at me like I’m the devil sometimes.”

“It wasn’t pretty.” Magnus said. “But it’s in the past. He was angry for a while. I suppose he still is.”

“I just thought…”

“You can’t pick up where you left off.” Magnus said.

“I know.” Jace sighed. “I just wish I could fix it, somehow. I still…” Jace cut himself off.

“Yeah, sucks doesn’t it?” Magnus said kindly. “You’ll be fine.”

After Magnus had gone to bed, Jace sat in front of the TV, barely paying attention. It was fun, hanging out with Simon. His small smiles and his familiar mannerisms reminded Jace of his Simon.  There were hints of the boy he had fallen in love with. But he had grown up.

Jace picked his phone and sent a message.

He would wait.

He laughed as he saw Simon’s reply.

_Go to bed, Herondale._

Jace dragged himself to the guest room. He had to go apartment hunting in the morning. Contrary to what Simon said, not everything was about him.

*

He didn’t see Simon for a few weeks. They communicated via text messages. He knew Simon was avoiding him because he had shut down all his suggestions to hang out. And he wasn’t thinking of going to ambush him at home. And Maia had threatened him with bodily harm if he bugged her again. So he had to be content with the messages he and Simon sent each other.

Then he saw Simon on a date.

At least he thought it was a date. Simon and a tiny woman sat in the restaurant where they had had lunch that first afternoon. He was not stalking Simon. He really wasn’t. His new apartment was walking distance from the gym and the restaurant was in the middle of both places. He was walking home when he saw them.

Simon’s hand was on the woman’s back and he leaned close to her and whispered something in her ear. She threw back her head as he laughed. Simon just beamed at her.

The whole scene was just…

_Just what?_

Jace looked away from the cozy scene and walked faster till he got home. He was pissed. Simon, _Simon_ was out on a date.

Granted it wasn’t that Simon couldn’t go out with whoever he could. He could. But that didn’t stop Jace from being jealous. Simon was his.

Jace couldn’t believe he was jealous of a girl. 

He picked up his phone and made a call. The reason for this was because he hadn’t had sex in a while. He had been so busy with Simon and moving and stuff.

Yeah. That was it.

“Hey…you busy?” he said as the person he called picked up. “Wanna come over?”

He walked into his bedroom and listened to the person on the phone.

“Sweet, I’ll text you the address.”

He needed to get out of his head for a while.

*

  _Are you up?_

Jace blinked at the message from Simon. It was a few minutes after midnight, a couple of hours after his…guest had left. Jace replied the message.

_Yeah. What’s up?_

_Cool. I’m at your door._

What? Jace got out of bed and put on a pair of sweatpants and a tshirt. He smiled as he made his way to the door.

“Hey.” He said when he opened the door.

Simon frowned as he looked at Jace’s shirt. “When did you start wearing graphic tees?”

Jace looked at his grey Star Wars tee. “Don’t you remember? You gave this to me.”

Simon squinted. “Oh yeah…I…forgot.”

“I see.” Jace stood aside and motioned Simon inside. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah.” Simon said. “I just…is this OK? Me being here, I mean.”

“Hey, it’s fine.” Jace assured him. “I wasn’t asleep.”

“Why?” Simon asked, turning to look at him.

“I had a lot on my mind.”  Jace replied. Simon nodded as he looked around. “Nice place.”

“Oh yeah, you haven’t been here yet.” Jace grinned. “With you avoiding me and all…”

“I wasn’t avoiding you.” Simon denied. “I am just…”

“Busy, I know.” Jace said dryly.

 “Yeah…” Simon said. He looked like he had something on his mind.

“Are you OK?” Jace asked. “You seem…on edge.”

“Yeah, I kinda broke up with a girl.” Simon said. “Funny thing was; we weren’t even dating. I mean, I don’t even do relationships.”

“Oh?” Jace frowned. “So that was…I mean…how did she take it?”

“Not too good.”  Simon collapsed on the couch. “It was _horrible._ She kept crying and then she got mean. Then she hit me when I pointed out that we were not actually dating.”

“Uh, sorry.” Jace sat next to him.

“How could you live with yourself, Jace?” Simon asked tiredly. “How could you break up with me and live with yourself? I feel so guilty and I wasn’t even…”

“I-I’m sorry.” Jace didn’t know what to say. “I was a stupid, selfish coward. You were right about me. I should have talked to you. I wish there was a way I could make it up to you; make you forgive me for-.”

Simon cut him off by surging forward and pushing him on his back before pressing his lips against his. Jace gasped at the feel of Simon’s body on top of him.

He moaned as he felt Simon press hard against him; hands reaching under the grey shirt. “Simon…” he breathed, trying to pull away. “W-Wait…”

Simon ignored him and kissed his way up to his ear, nibbling at his earlobe. Jace hissed. _Oh wow, right there._ He whined as he turned his head to the side, giving Simon more access to his ear.

He jerked as he felt Simon’s hands graze his nipples. _OK, that was really good. But we need to-to…_ he lost his train of thought as Simon’s lips pressed sucking kisses on his neck.

He grabbed Simon’s wrists under his shirt and halted his movement. “Simon.” He said hoarsely. “Wait…just, wait. We should talk about…”

“I don’t want to talk.” Simon muttered before kissing him again. He yanked his hands from Jace’s hold and reached into his sweatpants, making Jace gasp and pull away.

“Jesus, slow down.” Jace choked. He moaned as Simon wrapped his hand around him. “Oh f-fuck…”

He closed his eyes as Simon started to stroke, his breath hitched as he felt teeth on his neck. Simon shifted, till he straddled Jace’s thighs, his lips still on Jace’s neck. Jace clutched at his arms and arched against him.

Even though he had gotten some a couple of hours ago, this was Simon. He thought that he would never get this close to Simon ever again…or at least without a bit of a fight, but here he was.

Simon was here and he wanted him.

Jace sat up suddenly, startling Simon, who let go of him and stared at Jace in an expression that could only be described as miffed.

His lips were slick and swollen and his eyes were shiny. Jace could see the need in his dark eyes and his heart stuttered at that.

“We-We have to talk about this.” He said, breathlessly. Simon opened his mouth; to protest, probably and Jace continued quickly. “But not now…”

Simon smiled. It was a smile that Jace thought he’d never get to see again. It was pure and devoid of all the ugliness between them. Jace reached for Simon’s face and kissed him softly.

Simon sighed and let Jace lead, moaning as the kiss grew hotter. He didn’t move when Jace reached for the hem of his shirt to pull it off. He reached for Jace’s shirt and pulled that off too.

“Simon…” Jace started. Simon shook his head.

“Let’s not talk.” He whispered. “Let’s just…let’s just have this.”


	4. Drones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath...

_And if you see me please_

_Just walk on by, walk on by_

_Forget my name and I'll for get it too._

_Failed attempts oat living simple lives, simple lives_

_Are what keep me coming back to you_

_**Rise Against - Drones (The Sufferer and The Witness)**  
_

_*********** _

Simon swallowed hard as Jace stared at him. The gaze was both familiar and new. He knew Jace had loved him back then; it was obvious in everything Jace said and did. But…

He shook his head and reached for Jace, gripping his head and kissing him hard. He wanted this…wanted to touch him again, just this once and…

_And what?_

He felt Jace trace the tattoo on his shoulder and chest. “This is really hot.”

“I know.” He murmured, his hand tracing the muscles on Jace’s chest and stomach. As his hands reached for the waist band of his sweatpants, Jace grabbed his wrists.

“Wait…” he breathed, leaning to kiss Simon again. The kiss was soft and sweet and tears prickled behind Simon’s eyes. This was what he missed. The kisses. Those soft and beautiful kisses, not unlike their first kiss.

He pulled away, gasping. Jace’s lips fell against his jaw, kissing and sucking his way down his neck, stopping at that spot. That very spot that made him…

“Jace…” he whimpered; his hands clutching at Jace’s arms as he turned his head, giving him more access to his neck. “Please…”

His body felt like it was on fire. Jace bit and sucked and licked that spot on his neck that was sure to bruise.

The thought had him moaning and pressing closer against Jace.

“Shh, I got you.” Jace whispered. “Just relax and I’ll take care of you.”

He watched Jace with heavy lidded eyes as the blond kissed down his torso, stopping at his nipples to tease or torture him; Simon wasn’t sure which. But as he twisted and withed against Jace, he had a small flashback of the last time they were together. Two days before Jace broke up with him.

He tensed, trying not to let the memory interfere with what was going on here. He jerked as he felt Jace’s teeth on the soft skin under his belly button, his tongue tracing his happy trail.

Simon sucked in his belly as he shuddered. He moaned as he felt Jace’s hands at his belt and undoing the zipper of his jeans.

He closed his eyes. Then; “Oh my God. Yes… _Nngh…_ ”

Simon arched his back as he felt the wet heat of Jace’s mouth cover the tip of his dick. His hand slide into Jace’s hair and he almost sighs as he feels how soft they feel. It’s almost enough to remind him that it had been ages he had touched Jace’s hair but then Jace does that thing that he really, really, _really_ liked.

“Oh…my… _fuck!_ ” he groans as his eyes roll back into his head.

He bit his lips hard to stop the babbling that he knew was coming. The last thing Jace needed to know was that he had…

“Oh fuck, Jace…” he sat up quickly and his fingers tightened on the blond locks. “Jace…h-hold…hold on!” he panted. “I’m…I’m…” he whined as he tugged on Jace’s hair. He was so close. He felt the white hot heat rushing over his body and the familiar tingle at the bottom of his spine. His toes curled as he fell back onto the couch.

Jace groaned and the vibrations had Simon stiffening and crying out in that agonizing pleasure and his vision whited out.

When he came to, he was lying half on top of Jace on the couch. He stirred and made a sound.

“Shh…” Jace said. “You’re OK.”

His last thought as he fell asleep was that he’d missed this.

*

Simon gingerly got himself out from under Jace’s arm. He stood up cautiously and looked for his shirt and shoes.

After he had put them on, he turned to look at Jace and cursed silently.

_What the fuck was I thinking?_

_You weren’t._ His inner voice sneered.

Simon looked around to make sure he had not forgotten anything. Then he walked out of Jace’s apartment, shutting the door quietly.

“Stupid, stupid.” He spat as he got into his car and drove off.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Why did he start it?

And Jace tried to…he groaned aloud and slammed his fist on the steering wheel.

Well, he was a perpetual horndog and this was just…stress relief, right? It didn’t mean anything, right?

But it was Jace.

That made it all sorts of wrong.

He didn’t want to think about it.

He just ruined a potential platonic friendship with his ex by having sex.

“Lewis, you fucking idiot.”

_*_

Jace opened his eyes and immediately realized he was alone. He sat up slowly and looked around. There was no evidence that Simon had ever been around.

“Well, damn.” He muttered, lying back down. They never even talked about it. Jace chuckled dryly.

Since when was he the one who wanted to talk? For as long as he knew Simon, the brunet was the one who always wanted to talk. He talked about everything. From sex to what movie they were going to see to what they’ll have for dinner.

_“I just want us on the same page, Jace.”_

Jace sighed and got up off the couch. He’d take a shower and then give Simon a call. They were going to talk about what happened.

Simon had come to him.

He had given him the space he claimed he wanted but still, Simon had come to him and…and had come _on to him._

Maybe he and Simon could fix this thing between them and be together again.

*

Simon was avoiding him.

Again.

He called Simon for the twelfth time in two hours and he kept getting his voicemail. His good mood had long since dissipated. He sighed impatiently and called another number.

“What do you want, Herondale?” Maia growled. She sounded stressed.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked, with false cheeriness. “Listen, I can’t get through to Simon. Do you know where he is?”

“Uh…” he heard her mutter something about stupid boys. “Jace…I’m sure he’ll get back to you soon. With the new show and everything…”

“What new show?” Jace asked.

“We have a show in LA tomorrow.” Maia said. “We left New York this morning.”

“Oh.”

“Look, Jace, we’ll talk later.” Maia said. “We’re swamped.”

“Yeah.” Jace said as he hung up.

It looked like nothing had changed between them.

The fucking nerd had used him.

***

“Don’t put me in the middle of whatever it is you and Jace are playing.” Maia snapped at him, when he opened the door of his hotel room.

“What do you mean?” Simon asked, innocently.

“Your boyfriend called me wondering where you were.” She said. “What’s going on this time? I thought you guys decided to be mature about this…whatever it is.”

Simon sighed. “He’s not my…I’m sorry.” He knew that he was running away from Jace. He couldn’t even say what it was that made him go to Jace’s apartment last night and…

“I’m sorry.” Simon sighed. “I-I…IkindasleptwithJace.” He said in a rush.

“What?” Maia asked. “You did what with Jace?”

Simon scowled at her. “I’m not repeating myself.” He said walking away from her and going to the mini bar.

“So why..what…Oh, Simon.” She sighed.

“I panicked.” Simon said. “I don’t…I fucked up.”

“What? How?” Maia sat on his bed. “What do you mean?”

“How could I have slept with him?” Simon asked. “He is the enemy. He left me.”

“And now he’s back.” Maia said. “He seems like he’d want to get back together.”

“Do you think I should take him back?” Simon asked.

“It’s not my decision.” Maia said bluntly. “In the end, you do what you want to do, what you have to do.”

Simon growled. Maia was always doing this. She made decisions about his career but when it came to her helping him with his personal stuff, she suddenly became one of those self-help/inspirational bullshit peddlers.

Which didn’t help with his predicament with Jace.

Yes, he wanted Jace. He always did.

Sleeping with jace was not what he had planned to do. He just wanted something to make him feel less of a heel for breaking up with Leah (even though they were not dating). And Jace looked so…so much like the Jace he had fallen for all those years ago.

And so, yeah, he had to…

“Fuck.” He muttered. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass.

“Go easy on that.” Maia said. “You have an interview tonight and we’re meeting some labels afterwards.”

Simon sighed. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“Look, I’m not saying you should forget everything that happened.” Maia said, standing up. “But you need to sort out this mess. ‘Cos if you don’t, it’ll eat you up and you’ll be bitter.”

With that, she left.

“Fuck.” Simon said, wearily. He put down the unopened bottle of whiskey and crawled into bed.

He wanted Jace, but he was just starting out with his career. If Jace thought he was ‘neglecting’ him four years ago, what would he say now?

Simon rolled onto his back and studied the ceiling. Would he have to choose? Would he have to choose his music or Jace?

Sighing, he got up and reached for his phone on the nightstand. He stared at it for a few seconds before turning it on.

His phone rang just as he was about to call Jace.

It was Jace.

_Speak of the devil._

“Jace.”

“Simon…What the…why…” he heard Jace sigh. “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine.” Simon said. “I-We need to talk.”

“Ya think?” Jace sounded angry. “Maia said you’re in LA?”

“Yeah. A show…meet and greet…it’s mostly boring.” Simon said. “Are you mad?”

“What do you think?” Jace asked, his voice hard. “I woke up alone this morning and when I tried calling you…Simon, I can’t do this over the phone. When are you back in New York?”

Simon swallowed. “After the weekend. We’ll talk then.”

“Sure.” Jace said, then sighed. “Guess I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah.”

***

“What’s wrong?” Alec asked him. Jace looked up with a start.

“Huh?”

“You look like someone kicked your puppy.” Alec said. “What is it?”

“Nothing.” Jace said smiling at his friend, who arched an eyebrow at him.

“Really?” Alec asked. “You know I know you are lying. What’s wrong?”

Jace looked at his friend. If he told Alec what happened, what would Alec do. He loved his best friend but the guy was scary. Not that he would hurt him, really...

But…

On the other hand. Alec knew Simon, this Simon, better than Jace did.

“I slept with Simon.” Jace said, bluntly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Jace grimaced. “And now, he’s avoiding me…”

“Sounds like him.” Alec said, sighing as he sat next to him.

“I don’t know what to do.” Jace said. “I-I know I messed up but I want to make it up to him. I want him back. I-I…just want him. Is that so bad?”

“Magnus was right.” Alec said, rubbing Jace’s back. “You are a poor fool.”

“Gee, thanks.” Jace said, rolling his eyes. He sighed and let his friend comfort him.

“I don’t want to get involved.” Alec said. “You two are my friends and I love you both, but you have to figure out this shit on your own.”

“He did say we’ll talk when he gets back this weekend.” Jace murmured.

Alec was thoughtful. “OK, I know I just said I won’t get involved but…”

“What?” Jace asked.

“I have to be in LA tomorrow.” Alec said. “Wanna come with?”

“First of all, you have been hanging out with Izzy a little too much.” Jace teased, grinning. “Secondly, yes please.”

***

There was the familiar tingling and excitement that usually came whenever he had to perform.

He could hide behind this, behind the bright lights and drums and music.

This was his happy place, nothing could touch him here. He could stop being Simon Lewis; Love’s Bitch and be Simon the Rockstar.

He turned to his left and grinned when Maia gave him two thumbs up and blew him a kiss. He winked at her and faced the crowd of people waiting.

Waiting for him.

 _Deep inside these burning buildings_  
_Voices die to be heard_  
_Years we spent teaching a lesson_  
_We ourselves had never learned_

 _And if strength is born from heartbreak_  
_Then mountains I could move_  
_And if walls could speak I'd pray_  
_That they would tell me what to do_

 _If you see me, please just walk on by, walk on by_  
_Forget my name and I'll forget it too_  
_Failed attempts at living simple lives, simple lives_  
_Are what keep me coming back to you_

He thought of Jace and scowled. Now was not the time to think about him. He was doing what he always wanted.

It should have been easy.

It should have been easy for him to just let him go. Hurt him the way the same way he was hurt and then move on. But he had to feel guilty.

He shouldn’t have slept with him.

He should have talked about what they were doing.

He shouldn’t have left Jace like he was a one night mistake, instead of the love of his life.

But for some reason he could not get past the fact that Jace left him. He loved Jace with all his heart and soul and Jace left.

All because of this…

 _No signs of life here, save the embers, the occasional flame_  
_We'd know the way but can't remember, conception to the grave_  
_Shout confessions from the greatest heights, where no one can hear_  
_All my fears, my insecurities are falling like tears_

 _If you see me, please just walk on by, walk on by_  
_Forget my name and I'll forget it too_  
_Failed attempts at living simple lives, simple lives_  
_Are what keep me coming back to you._

 _The drones will slave away, they're working overtime_  
_They serve a faceless queen, they never question why_  
_(I won't come back!) disciples of a God, they neither live nor breathe_  
_(I won't come back!) but we have bills to pay, yeah we have mouths to feed!_  
_I won't come back!_  
_And if you see me, please just walk on by, walk on by_  
_Forget my name and I'll forget it too_  
_Failed attempts at living simple lives, simple lives_  
_Are what keep me coming back to you_  
_I'm coming back to you!_


	5. Audience of One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace grovels and Simon decides...

 

_I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug_

_You gave my emptiness a name_

  _And you ran away_

**_Rise Against - Audience of One (Appeal To Reason)_ **

 

**_*********_ **

The applause was loud and beautiful.

His heart was racing and he was shaking.

He looked to his left again and saw Alec standing behind Maia. He gave him a two fingered salute and grinned.

“That was freakin’ awesome!!” Maia squealed. “You looked so hot out there. And that song…oh wow!”

His ears were still ringing.

“I don’t get the appeal…” Alec said, ruffling his hair. “But I have to admit, you looked good out there. Just get me stuff for Magnus; he made me promise.”

“Talk to Bat.” Simon grinned. He noticed Alec was staring at him curiously. “What?”

“You and Jace, huh?”

Simon paled and swallowed hard. “H-He told you?”

“Yep.” Alec said, his expression neutral. “You two need to talk.”

“I know, I know.” Simon sighed. “When I get back home…I’m still buzzed.”

Alec looked like he wanted to say something, but then he just nodded. “Again, great show.”

“I know.” Simon grinned.

*

Simon was humming as he made his way back to his hotel room. He wanted to take a shower and get rid of all the make-up Maia insisted he use before the show. Then he was going to join his friends downstairs for a celebratory drink.

“This is what you live for, isn’t it?” Simon screamed when he heard the voice come from the other side of the bed.

“Jesus! Are you trying to kill me?” Simon snapped, clutching his chest.

Jace chuckled. “Sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry.

“You don’t sound sorry.” Simon grumbled. “What are you doing here? How did you know where to find me?”

“Alec.” Jace said.

_Of course._

“I take it you saw the show?” Simon said, taking off his jewelry and attempting to take of his shirt.

“You were great.” Jace breathed. “I can’t believe I hooked up with a Rockstar.”

Simon sucked in a breath. “Jace…”

“We’re going to talk.” Jace said firmly. “So take a shower, I’ll be here when you’re done.”

For some reason, that filled Simon with dread, but he nodded and walked into the bathroom, closing the door and leaning against it.

Jace was here.

He thought he had at least a few days to sort out his thoughts before talking to Jace about what had happened but he was here. Just on the other side of the door.

Alec.

Simon growled.

What was it with his friends and ambushing him?

***

Simon was amazing, as usual, if not more so.

Watching him in his element was like staring at…at…hell, he couldn’t even say. Simon was just amazing. It was just so easy to forget he was mad at him.

Yeah, he was mad at Simon.

Simon had used him.

He growled under his breath and rubbed his temples. He glared at the closed bathroom. “What the hell, Lewis?”

He thought they were getting past whatever it was between them.

But then that night was a pleasant surprise. Then it was…

Jace shook his head.

He was going to speak his mind and let Simon do with it as he wanted. He was tired of dancing around Simon wondering if they were friends again.

But what if Simon didn’t want him at all. They had pretty much ruined the whole ‘just friends’ shit with that stunt Simon pulled two nights ago.

_It wasn’t just Simon, was it?_

He wanted to put all the blame on Simon. He had been minding his business at home and Simon came to him. Even though he had just gotten off some hours before Simon came over, it was still the most stimulating night of his life. He hadn’t gotten so hot so quickly since…since…

Since the last time he and Simon…

“Fuck!” he muttered rubbing his face.

He sighed noisily.

“I-I’m sorry.” He heard a quiet voice behind him. He turned to see Simon standing at the door of the bathroom in only a towel. He looked away quickly.

“Yeah.” Jace said. Clearing his throat. “Wanna tell me what it was all about? Why did you…?”

“I-I shouldn’t have done that.” Simon said. “It was a mistake.”

Jace felt his heart sink. _There it is. A mistake._

“I wanted you. I-I missed you.” Simon continued. “I was feeling really bad about breaking up with Leah; even though we were not really dating. You were there and I thought about how it felt to kiss you and-and, well, you know the rest…”

“Yeah.” Jace said, turning to see Simon put on a tshirt over jeans. “So you used me?”

“No…I don’t know.” Simon sighed. “Look, I have spent the last four years trying to hate you. Or at least forget you. But you came back and you stirred all these things again. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know how to handle you being back in my life.”

Jace stared at the boy he had loved for so long and sighed. He couldn’t even manage to stay mad at him. It was his fault.

If he hadn’t run away back then.

“Simon.” Jace said. “I love you. I love you and I’m so so sorry for hurting you.” He walked slowly till he was standing in front of Simon. The brunet was staring at him with his eyes wide. “I was a fucking stupid kid. I was scared and I ran. But I am back…I want you back. I’ll do anything you want me to do. Just please…”

Simon swallowed hard, still staring.

“You-You promised that you’d always be there.” Simon said in a tight voice. “You promised. And you left. You destroyed me. I thought I was going to die. You were my everything.”

“Simon…” Jace started.

“I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t believe in me.” Simon continued. “We were going to do this together. And-And…” Simon inhaled shakily. “I love you.”

Jace blinked. He wanted to grin in relief but the look on Simon’s face held him back. He looked…broken.

“I love you, Jace but I don’t know…if…”

“Please…” Jace wasn’t above groveling. “I’ll do anything. Nothing has to change…please.”

***

Simon was trembling.

Jace looked almost as tortured as he felt.

He was prepared to tell Jace that nothing was going to happen between them and try and salvage the whole mess.

But seeing Jace here, in his hotel, something held him back and he found himself telling Jace he loved him.

“I-I…” _I can’t_. “I can’t go through it again Jace. I can’t trust you not to hurt me.”

“So you’d hurt me instead?”

“Jace, that’s not…” Simon stepped back from Jace, suddenly angry. “You don’t get to ask me that? You left. You ran away f-from m-me. You left me alone.”

“I’m sorry.” Jace said, his hands up in a placating gesture. “You have no idea how sorry I am. It felt like-like I ripped my heart out. And the worst thing was, I didn’t to myself.” Jace swallowed; his eyes shiny. “I know it was my fault. I take the blame. But I want to fix it. Please let me…”

Simon stared at him, torn. “How-How am I sure you…?”

“I’d rather die than hurt you like that again.” Jace said fiercely. “Simon, please…let me make it up to you.”

Simon stared at him.

_“Look, I’m not saying you should forget everything that happened. But you need to sort out this mess. ‘Cos if you don’t, it’ll eat you up and you’ll be bitter.”_

Maia had said that.

“I’m scared.” Simon whispered. “I can’t…”

“We’ll take it slow.” Jace said quickly. “I’m not saying we have to pick up where we left off. Just-Just give me a chance…”

Simon shook his head. This was too much…

He turned and sat down to put his boots. He needed a drink.

“I need a drink.” Simon said. “You down?”

Jace sighed and nodded. “Yeah…”

Simon smiled. “Let’s go…”

Jace seemed resigned and followed Simon out of the room. On their way to the elevator Simon reached for Jace’s hand. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but…I-I know I still love you.” He swallowed hard and looked at the blond. “Let’s start from there, OK?”

Jace smiled and Simon blushed. It was a genuine smile. It reminded Simon of the  time Jace had told him he wanted him

*

_“What are you up to Wayland-Herondale?” Simon asked_. _“You look a lot more creepy than usual.”_

_Jace just smiled at him. Not a smirk or a leer or one of his trademark sneers. It was a genuine smile. “You and I would be good together.”_

_Simon gulped. “Wha-What?”_

_Jace leaned close to him and pressed a quick, hard kiss on his lips. “I’m gonna woo the hell out of you.”_

_“What?” Simon spluttered. “Woo? What am I, some Victorian virgin? Who uses ‘woo’ anymore?”_

_Jace rolled his eyes and thre his arm around Simon’s shoulder and ruffled his hair. “Just so you know…”_

_*_

“I can live with that.” Jace said.

On their way to join the others, Jace threw his arm around Simon’s shoulders. “Just so you know…I’m gonna woo the hell out of you.”

Simon laughed out loud. “I can’t believe you used that line again.”

“Just saying.”


	6. AUTHORS NOTE

Hi, Cleo here...

I'm sorry there hasn't been any updates on this story for a long time. I was ill and then there was alot of issues I had to deal with. And somehow I lost the plot of the story. It was just a way to share my love for the band Rise Against and I hope I did. 

I won't be updating this story anymore. (Or maybe I will, if I am inspired to.) But the ending is kinda OK, right? Not my best work but I hope you guys enjoyed the story. 

Watch out for more JIMON though...

**Author's Note:**

> What do you guys think? Do I go on?
> 
> Song - Savior by Rise Against


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